Reflection of Our Spouses?

by Barbara Eastom Bates | More from this Blogger

05 Jan 2007 08:37 PM

Do you think the things you say and do have any affect on your spouses' ability to succeed in the military?

Navy wife and columnist, Sarah Smiley says no.

In retaliation to a retired Sailor that admonished her "Shore Duty" column for "finger-pointing" at Navy medicine, Smiley responded with, "A Reflection of his Wife?," a column where she humorously argues, "If I, Sarah Smiley, am merely a reflection on my spouse and not a separate human being..." it must also be true that [her husband] "forgets to shave his legs every other day," "dyed his hair blonde, but thought it looked fake, so he's gone back to brown," and, "gets a giant blister on his right toe when he wears his favorite red high heels," since he is a reflection of her. The article struck a chord with spouses everywhere, and the topic became hotly debated on military forums across the net.

You don't have to be a seasoned spouse to recognize the military culture is seeped in traditionalism. Even though the Department of Defense excised usage of the term "dependent" in favor of "family member," the culture of dependence still exists. The official handbook for enlisted Marine Corps wives, "Roses and Thorns," remarks that wives do not hold rank, yet maintain "position" created by rank. For a lot of modern spouses, that sounds about as archaic as a 1950's magazine article giving suggestions on how to be a good wife.

"It's 2007! I'm independent and my own woman! And it's obvious if we were reflecting on each other at all, he'd develop enough fashion sense to trash that t-shirt that wasn't even cool when he wore it back in high school-10 years ago."

Yet, modern and independent or not, it is undeniable some links in the chain of command view you as an extension of your spouse, and may be using your reputation and behaviors as a means of evaluating them. So whether you find yourself in the camp of individuality or think you're part of the team, it's always worth bearing in mind that others might not feel the same.

What do you think?

Learn more about Barbara Eastom Bates

Barbara Eastom Bates is a freelance writer and self-professed computer geek living in southern California.

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Lisa P (24013) 06 Jan 2007 07:28 AM

I think you are absolutely right! One can tout their individuality all they want but when they act like a horse's behind in front of their spouse's commander they'd better realize that their behavior just may have an effect on their spouse's career whether they like it or not!

I used to be an active duty member of the USAF so I'm a lucky spouse in that I've been a part of it and understand it. Sadly, there are many spouses out there touting their individualism and sabotaging their military members' careers.

Eliza Ferree (725) 06 Jan 2007 09:58 AM

I agree with both of you. You can be your own person but watch who you be it in front of.